Saturday, 31 December 2005

251 Letter to Hogan Howe 24-11-14-

I have no inclining what it is like to be taken and held hostage, what I do no no is it very different to what is happening to me, When some one is holing you hostage there is contact between you they have to bringing you food and some kind of relationship builds up even when it end badly, you must learn to live by there rules to survive, for me there is no personal contact I do not know who they are they if fact faceless, I no some of the face of officer who follower me at the start when they thought I was so stupid that I would not ever relies what was happening now I do not look or try and pick them out because I have at the moment a very short fuse and would hit them, 
I was married to a violent man and you learn to keep the peace until you can get rid of them, you learn to acct like a mouse while plotting and planing your escape, spending time in the same room with some one like that is different to been targeted in lot of ways it is easier been targeted you do not have to sneak looks to see what mood they are in, you o not have to think twice about what you say, you do not have to wonder if you have cooked the right meal or if the shirt he might want to put one is wash and pressed just so he can rant if it is not, you do not have to pray that he will go out and hope he has found another woman he might to live with 
when you are been targeted you know they will do it what ever you do there is no way to appease them because all they want is to cause you pain for thee own gratification, there is no way you can bring it and end because you have nothing to offer in return they have what they want your body to do with as they want and real trick is not to give them you mind 


are the pain level numbered




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